Marauders' one-shots
by evelyne162
Summary: James, Sirius, Peter and Remus had their own lot of adventures at Hogwarts: how did they change into their animagus form? How did they find out Remus' furry little problem? How did James convince Lily to go out with him? Pranks, fun and love, welcome to the Marauder's era! canon one-shots, Jily, not chronological.


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The plot of this chapter was inspired by MarauderLover7's wonderful story: Innocent! You should really go and check it out!**

 **AN: Enjoy your reading!**

 _The Giant Squid_

It was the end of November, the cold had already set over Hogwarts and while it had not snowed yet, frost covered the grounds. The halls were almost empty after dinner time, the students preferred to spend their Friday evenings in their warm common rooms rather than in the cold and winding corridors. The only ones who were bold enough to brave the cold were two Gryffindor boys.

"We should head directly to the kitchens" said the first, Sirius Black, a tall dark haired boy, "I'm starving!"

"How can you be starving? We just had tea at Hagrid's!" asked the second, James Potter. He too had dark hair, but while Sirius' was shoulder length and stayed naturally in place, James' hair was messy, especially after the walk from the grounds back to the castle in the wind. His hair and his lopsided grin gave him a mischievous look. Both were dressed in red and gold Quidditch robes since they just had had practice, before visiting the Gamekeeper. Sirius was carrying his beater cub loosely over his shoulder.

"His rock-cakes are impossible to eat. Come on, this way…" Sirius took right and started descending the stairs to the kitchens.

"They're not that bad"

"I didn't say they tasted bad" he underlined, "I just said that it is physically impossible to take a bite off them without breaking your teeth!" Sirius joked. "Besides, we missed dinner and I'm not going to bed hungry"

They arrived at a painting of a fruit bowl and James reached out to tickle the pear, it emitted a girlish laugh and tried to skid away before turning into a doorknob.

They entered the kitchen through a round door. The large room was bustling with activity, the house-elves were busy with the aftermaths of that evening's dinner, cleaning dishes and scrubbing pans, but as soon as they spotted the two students, they came to greet them.

James and Sirius got surrounded and tiny hands pushed them to a low table and into small chairs. Everything in the kitchen was house-elf sized and the boys sat the best they could. While they had managed to accommodate themselves to the small furniture during the first two years, they had both grown over the summer and it became more and more difficult for them to find a comfortable sitting position. Sirius couldn't stop fidgeting and James' legs were folded in a bizarre way.

James was laughing at Sirius' fruitless attempts to get comfortable. "It's still worth it" he grumbled when the elves arrived with dishes full of food. They had found out in their first year that dinning in the kitchens had its benefits, for instance the elves never served them **any leftovers but first quality** made food. And as the years passed, the elves had come to expect the guests and had learned what they liked. When they entered the kitchens now, they were always sure to be welcomed with their favourite food and desserts.

James and Sirius ate in reasonable silence (compared to other times in the Great Hall where they had started food fights). The elves kept coming back with new plates and offered everything with a lot of funny little bows. James was eating his third helping and Sirius had even had to loosen his pants before dessert.

"I'm stuffed, I don't think I can eat one more single bite" said Sirius after half an hour.

"Dinner was delicious, as always!" added James.

"Yes, my compliments to the chef!" added Sirius and saluted the elves cooking around a wide stove at another corner of the kitchens, one of them was wearing a high cap and handling a big wooden pol spoon. The chef smiled and answered with a bow, where his nose almost touched the ground and his headwear almost fell off. When he had redressed his hat, he quickly looked around to see of anyone of his staff had noticed, grinned at Sirius and went to inspect the elves standing around a table and kneading the bread for tomorrow's breakfast.

The others beamed at the praise and when the boys were ushered out of the kitchens, their arms were laden full of biscuits, cookies and other sweets, just in case they got hungry on their way back to their dorms.

Despite Sirius' previous statement, he was nibbling a cookie when they met Lily Evans on the second floor. She was carrying a tower of books with on top of it, maintained in a precarious equilibrium, three parchment scrolls and an ink pot. Her bag looked ready to burst and was apparently stuffed with more books.

She almost bumped into them, but managed to avoid the collision as well as a ghost that passed by, by making an odd pirouette. Even if you could technically walk through the ghosts, it was an awful cold sensation and furthermore considered rude.

"Potter, Black" she greeted them, she didn't sound as displeased as she usually did when meeting them, but that was perhaps because she was eyeing the top of her book tower in an attempt to keep it from falling over. James helped her redress it.

"Evans"

"Did you rob the library?" asked James when the three of them started walking again.

"Heu… no", she had a sheepish expression; as if just realizing she might have borrowed too many books. "Sev and I are working on a potion project," she confessed, "and since the library is closing, we decided we should split the work and continue our research each on our side."

"So, he gave you his homework to do, did he?" James frowned

"I knew he couldn't possibly have those grades in Potions all by himself!" added Sirius, he wore a triumphant grin.

It was no secret that James and Sirius held a strong dislike towards Severus Snape, a fellow third year and a Slytherin. Like James, Sirius and Lily, Severus was very smart, but where Sirius and James used their cleverness to boast and play pranks, Lily and Severus were actually interested in their studies, especially potions. They were good (best) friends and liked to work together.

But the hatred that ran between James, Sirius, and Snape was deep. From the start, there was a severe dislike that only escalated over the years. Now they couldn't even be in the same corridor without cursing each other or starting a duel. This feud had brought Sirius and James a lot of grieves in the form of detentions and missed Quidditch practices.

"Of course not!" Lily scowled at their comments; it was no secret that Lily didn't like Sirius and James much either, part in defence of her best friend, but foremost because they were, in her opinion, arrogant prats who had cost Gryffindor the House Cup for two years in a row with their pranks and rule breaking.

But the fiery tirade that she was about to give them never came; to James' relief, he had already experienced them enough this year; because the ink bottle that had not stopped swaying from the start eventually fell over and rolled off the book tower before crashing on the ground. Lily tried to catch it before it could break but only managed to let slip another few books from her grip. The books and the bottle landed together and created an inky mess at her feet.

"What is going on here?" a sneering voice asked from around the corner. It was another student, a sixth year Slytherin prefect.

"Yaxley didn't see you there" greeted Sirius with the same taunting voice as Yaxley had used.

James sometimes forgot that Sirius came from the same sort of family as Yaxley's; aristocratic pure-bloods (and dark) wizards who defended their pure-blood status against Muggle-borns that they considered inferior; and knew how to play their game. He had grown up as the heir to _the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black,_ and shared the same education as the other blood purists of his family. The difference between his friend and _them_ was that he had decided to throw all their beliefs out of the window even before he started attending Hogwarts.

"Black, Potter! Out after curfew again? That will cost you points!"

Checking his watch, James noticed absentmindedly that it was indeed a few minutes past time. They had walked more slowly and hadn't used any shortcuts because of Lily.

"We were just heading back" Lily intervened, Sirius had already half opened his mouth for another sarcastic reply before she had interrupted him.

"I didn't ask you, mudblood!" Yaxley sneered.

In just a few sentences, the tension had reached its peak and wands were drawn on both sides. "Now that was just rude" stuttered Lily in an incoherent response, shocked. She couldn't believe that a _prefect_ had just called her that.

"Take that back" ordered James, always prone to defend her, and pointed his wand at the Slytherin.

"Detention, Potter, for aiming your wand at a prefect" said Yaxley, who had also drawn his. The three of them were facing each other. James was angry, a red gleam was appearing on his neck and cheeks, a sign that his usually easy temper was rising, he hated those dark prejudiced wizards; that, and he had insulted _Lily_. Sirius was also aiming his wand at Yaxley. He was angry as well but he also felt the little twinge of excitement that preceded a duel. Neither seemed faded by the fact that they were facing an opponent that had twice their experience in magical education and in duelling.

Surprisingly, Lily was the one trying to convince them to lower their wands, she was pulling James' arm. "Drop it, he's not worth it!" she tried to convince him, to no avail.

"Stupefix" cried Yaxley

"Tallenllengra!" "Rictumsempra!" said Sirius and James at the same time.

Yellow, red and pink lights erupted from the wands. James' hex missed because Lily was still pulling his arm, but Sirius had managed to hit Yaxley, who was now dancing a weird kind of Irish jig, very inappropriate for someone from his pure-blood status. Yaxley's stunner had neither been aimed at James or Sirius, but at an unprepared Lily who was standing in the way and she was hit, square in her chest.

"Lily!" cried James and he went to kneel beside her in an attempt to wakeher.

Sirius and Yaxley kept duelling. Sirius managed to dodge the hexes and curses pretty well, and that was a good thing because they looked rather nasty: one was a cutting hex that only missed his ear by a few inches; the two other Sirius didn't recognize but going by their colour (he knew from his own experience the brighter, the nastier) a deep purple and a sickly yellow, they weren't from that kind you learned in school books.

Yaxley, on the other hand, formed an easy target, as he was lying on the floor now and his legs were still flying to every side making each attempt to stand a comic sight. Any qualms Sirius had at cursing a man that was already down, were quickly quenched when Yaxley tried to hit James who had his back turned, the only thing saving his best friend being that Yaxley's legs decided at that precise moment it would be a good idea to make a three hundred and sixty-degree turn.

After that, it was fair game. Yaxley got hit by a few of Sirius own hexes and was now sporting some very painful looking blisters on his face, silver skin (because his own blood was so pure!) and because Sirius wanted to ridicule him further, a pair of white rabbit ears before he eventually managed to disarm him.

"What is all this ruckus about?" asked an angry voice, and a teacher appeared around the same corner as Yaxley had done, a few minutes earlier.

"Professor Slughorn!" cried Yaxley, and Sirius was glad to notice it sounded like a real plea for help.

"Yaxley, dear boy, is that you? What happened to your face?" asked Slughorn in a fatherly voice, he took out his own wand and started on the counter curses. When Yaxley was fine again, the professor turned around to help Lily, but she was already helped on her feet by a very pleased looking James.

Slughorn asked for an explication, and Yaxley directly started off his story about how he had been patrolling the corridors and had nicely asked the three spirited Gryffindors to go back to their rooms and that they had attacked him for no reason really, luckily he had managed to stun Lily before being viciously hit and cursed by Sirius.

James was already protesting, defending his friends and saying that Yaxley had called Lily the m-word while Sirius was serving Yaxley with a few of his own more colourful insults. It soon escalated and before the professor knew it, wands were drawn again. Sirius still having Yaxley's, it didn't really help their case.

"Enough now, enough!" bumped the professor "Mister Potter, lower your wand! And Mister Black, I really can't believe that such fine gentleman like you knows those kinds of words, what would your mother say?" Sirius smiled, he didn't look too put out by what his mother would have to say if she had heard him. "Five points from Gryffindor for calling Mister Yaxley names," that wiped the smile of Sirius' face. "And be so kind to give him back his wand" added the professor.

"Now Miss Evans, you look like the only one here capable to keep your cool," said Slughorn, turning to one of his favourite students, "Could you maybe explain what happened?"

And so Lily did, truthfully and without leaving anything out. Yaxley's expression turned sour when he saw that his potion professor believed her rather than him. James thought it was better to keep silence; perhaps Lily would be able to talk them out of trouble.

"Very well," said the professor when Lily was done, "Ten points from Slytherin, for calling Miss Evans names and detention with me tomorrow night at nine. Same goes for you Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, ten points from Gryffindor for duelling in the corridors and detention at nine tomorrow as well." Slughorn turned to leave but then seemed to change his mind, seeing as the boys were still glaring daggers at each other; perhaps it wasn't a good idea to have the three of them in detention at the same time after all. "On second thoughts, make it the night after tomorrow".

"I suggest you all return to your common rooms now, come along Mister Yaxley." The professor beckoned to Yaxley and they both left, heading back to the dungeons.

Lily picked up her books and scrolls again. This time James had the insight to help her carry her stuff; while Sirius was mourning the loss of his cookies, they hadn't survived the battle and were lying in a heap of crumbles on the floor.

"Thank you for defending me", said Lily unexpectedly, she wasn't known for approving of duels in the corridors after all. "He was a real git"

James beamed, "No problem".

James walked all the way back to the Gryffindor common room with a spring in his step and a huge grin plastered on his face.

The next morning at breakfast, James told their adventure from the previous night to his two other best friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Remus was only listening with half an ear; he had found the story amusing the first three times that he had heard it; when Sirius had woken him up to tell him; now it was just getting old… All this because _Lily_ had said thank you to _James._

Peter still listened with rapt attention, drinking James words and following each and every hand movements he made. "And then she said _thank you for defending me,_ and she smiled and I carried her books back all the way to the common room!" James finished his tale.

"He then asked her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with him today, and she said no" Sirius helpfully butted in, breaking James daydreaming.

"She didn't say _no,_ she said she was already going with other friends" James objected.

"Better luck next time mate", Sirius clapped James' shoulder, "Anyway, what are we going to do about Yaxley? He's even getting worse than Malfoy, and that is saying something!"

Lucius Malfoy, a Slytherin seventh year and Head boy, had been a thorn in their side since their first year, they hated him almost as much as Snape.

"Last week I saw Yaxley picking on a first year Hufflepuff", Remus admitted, "She was in tears when he left"

"See! He needs to be taken down a peg or two!" James had had enough of Yaxley; an example needed to be set, detention wasn't enough, because _no one_ was allowed to call Lily, or anyone for that matter, a mudblood without consequences.

"We could pour something in his pumpkin juice" Sirius offered.

"Or put some scratching powder in his bed," Peter said.

"No, we've already done that… it needs to be something big, something everyone will notice" _especially_ _Lily_ "and know it was us."

"But if they know it was us, we'll get into trouble!" objected Peter "I promised my mother I would not get any detentions this year…" and he had indeed managed so far to stay under the teachers' radar since September by staying clear of their biggest pranks.

"No because everyone will know it was us, but there will be no proof" said Sirius catching James idea. It usually didn't take long for them to understand each other, a glance and they knew what the other was thinking, almost like telepathy.

"Oh..."

"I know you promised Peter, but we really need you this time" said James.

"Yes, what is more important, your family or us?" asked Sirius.

"Euh…"

"Don't answer that Pete, they are trying to manipulate you again" Remus glared at the two dark haired boys, who had the decency to look sheepish even if their smiles suggested they didn't really regret it. "What did you have in mind for your big prank James?"

"I actually hoped you had any ideas, Remus, last time was brilliant!"

"It wasn't my idea last time" snapped Remus.

They were referring to the time two weeks ago when James and Sirius had managed to interchange Dumbledore's lemon drops with some prototype sweets from Honeydukes they had managed to get their hands on. The Headmaster had sported orange hair and beard during the Halloween feast. Fortunately, he hadn't seemed to mind, he had worn orange robes that night too, covered in bat patterns and a matching hat; he had looked a bit like a pumpkin but it had almost passed unnoticed during the feast; to Sirius and James disappointment.

Remus had felt guilty for days because he had been the one to give his friends, in all confidence, the password to the Headmaster's office. Not that James and Sirius had never been there, but they had always been accompanied (dragged there was more like it) by a teacher. Remus, on the other hand, had been given the password by Dumbledore himself, should he ever find the need to discuss certain personal matters. He should have known better than to share it with his friends.

He had told them off for half an hour about how they had broken his trust, - _"How can I trust you with my_ secret _when you go behind my back with every bit of information I tell you and do this, to_ Dumbledore _of all people!" -_ and the two boys had looked at least a bit put out by the lecture and promised not to do it again. Remus had forgiven them but it was still a sore point.

"I had nothing to do with it!"

"Fine, we'll think of something…" James sighed.

It wasn't until that afternoon that James had, in his opinion, one of his most brilliant ideas ever.

The four of them were visiting Hogsmeade for the second time this year. The first time had been on Halloween and had not gone too smoothly. They had had a great time exploring the village, buying all sorts of sweets and pranks. James had returned to the castle with his pockets full of Dungbombs, only to be stopped at the entrance gate by the caretaker Filch and an angry looking McGonagall. Eventually, the only thing he had collected from his first trip to the village was a detention; Sirius had not had much more success. Nevertheless, they weren't deterred by it; they just had to find out a way to sneak everything back inside the castle this time.

Now that he was thinking about it, he still had to get Filch and his cat Mrs Norris, who had sniffed him out until they both were sure there were no Dungbombs left, back for that.

James was walking alone with Remus through the streets of Hogsmeade; Sirius who had complained non-stop about the cold, had gone with Peter to the Three Broomsticks to try and convince Madam Rosmerta to sell him a bottle of Firewhiskey; with his charming looks and Peter by his side to take the barkeepers pity (he had caught a cold last week and still looked a bit like a drowned kitten) they may even succeed.

"Can we stop at Baris'?" asked James, referring to _Baris' Bazar of Wizarding Beasts,_ a shop that sold all sort of magical creatures and everything you needed to take care of them. While the name sounded a bit ominous, the beasts sold inside the shop were pretty harmless. "I need some owl treats."

"Sure"

They both headed to a small building, pressed between a clothing shop and one that sold all kind of small trinkets and jewellery for witches. The door led to a dark interior toppled with cages containing all kind of animals. There were birds not much bigger than James' pink with bright coloured feathers that made a buzzing noise; black and yellow fishes looking a bit like goldfishes but with sharp teeth (James had found out last time when he had put his finger in the water) were swimming around in their tank; something that looked like a mix between a rabbit and a kangaroo was hopping around in its round pen, it emitted a strange melody that made James a bit sleepy. He wasn't even sure if those animals were all legally imported. But there were also more usual wizarding animals, owls, cats, rats and toads. The noise they all made hurt James' ears.

He reached the counter to ask for his owl treats, on the table rested a basket with little kittens in it, all crawling over each other, and even James who didn't really like cats; he was more of a dog person; had to admit they were very cute.

"It's five galleons each, if you buy two, you get a third for free," said a gruff voice belonging to Mr. Baris himself. The man was rather short and completely bald, he was wearing grey robes that had seen better days and… was that bird poop on his shoulder?

"Heu… No thanks, I was actually looking for some owl treats" replied James, eyeing the man's huge scar on his cheek; apparently he had had a bit of a misunderstanding with one of his beasts.

"You sure boy? They're Kneazles, very smart and useful, especially for the hunt; mice, lizards, rats, you name it!" he was speaking with a heavy Scottish accent.

"No, no, just the owl treats, please" assured James who was getting a bit uncomfortable, the shopkeeper had not blinked once during the whole conversation and his eye just kept staring at him.

"Very well"

James paid for his stuff and set out to find Remus through the labyrinth of cages. He scared away a big brown toad and almost walked on a cat's tail, but he found him eventually at the back of the shop. Remus was looking at something in an aquarium. It was a dark blue squid, about the size of his hand, and upon closer look, you could see very small red dots on each of its tentacles.

"Watch this!" Remus took out his wand and plunged the tip in the water, he was about to touch the little creature, which until now had been swimming peacefully, when it spurted away, leaving in its wake a trail of dark sticky ink. The tip of Remus wand was black when he took it out. He wiped it clean with his robes; dark ink on black robes goes unnoticed.

"Brilliant!" beamed James.

"Yes, a very rare species coming from Japan!" the shopkeeper popped up by their side. He had slipped up on them so silently that even Remus, with his good hearing, had not noticed his approach. "Its ink is used in a lot of potions and very useful to cure all sorts of skin diseases. The creature itself has an incredibly long life span and can survive in almost all sorts of waters, it keeps growing during all his life but like most fish, it adapts his size to its environment, keep it in a small tank and you will be able to keep it in your room or the garden pond" added Mr. Baris.

"All sort of waters?" asked James, he was having an idea about how the squid might come in handy for his revenge plan on Yaxley, "Even soapy water?"

"Yes, even in soapy water", if the shopkeeper found the question a bit strange, he didn't comment on it.

"What are you going to do with it, put it in you bath?" asked Remus a moment later when they exited the shop, James was carrying the squid in a plastic bag filled with water, like he had won it in a shooting game at a fair.

"No, _we_ are going to put it in the prefect's bathroom" he clarified and laughed when he saw the look of understanding in Remus' eyes, followed by a worried expression.

It didn't take a lot of convincing on James' part to draw Sirius into his brilliant plan but more efforts to convince his two other friends. Once Remus agreed to it, Peter followed as well.

They managed to smuggle the little squid back inside the castle and past Filch by hiding it in a bottle of Butterbeer since Sirius had not managed to convince Madam Rosmerta to give him a bottle of Firewhiskey.

"That's barbarous, James!" protested Remus when James tried to push the squid in the bottle.

"What? It's only until we get past Filch, and the shopkeeper said it could survive in any environment!" he replied while trying to push the squid down the bottle neck. The little creature didn't look very keen on entering it though and had extended its eight tentacles around the gulp.

"And the Butterbeer will mask its smell" added Sirius wisely, tickling the squid to finally let go and enter it. And indeed Filch didn't catch them smuggling it back into the castle. It was given a place of honour in their dormitory and was soon swimming happily around in a big tank full of water on James' bedside table.

It took a week for the four of them to plan out the details. Remus searched the library with Peter to find a spell that would enhance the squid's ink while James and Sirius hid under the Invisibility Cloak one evening after their detention with professor Slughorn to find out the password to the perfect's bathroom.

They gathered in their dormitory to discuss their discoveries.

"The password to the bathroom is _aquallis_ " announced Sirius proudly, throwing away the Invisibility Cloak to reveal them in a dramatic motion. Peter startled but Remus had heard their footsteps from the stairs and didn't blink.

"You tried it?" asked Remus, looking up from the spell book he had borrowed from the library.

"Yes" answered Sirius, going pink in his face.

"Why are you blushing?" asked Peter, who had noticed. It only made Sirius redder, James was already doubled over laughing.

"Well what happened?" wailed Peter, "Don't leave me out, I want to know!"

"We overheard the password this morning, but we weren't sure if it was _aquallis_ or _aquaellis_ and there was no time to try it, so we went back this evening to find out and… heu… well…" started Sirius, not knowing how to continue.

"There was a girl in the bathroom!" howled James with laughter, "and not just any girl but the Ravenclaw prefect Sirius fancies!"

"I don't fancy her!"

"In Defence you said she looked like a Veela" Remus pointed out, already knowing who they were referring to. All three were laughing at him now.

"She sounded more like a Banshee when she saw Sirius barging in!" added James.

"Hey!" exclaimed Sirius, throwing a pillow at James. He easily dodged and it flew to hit Peter instead. Peter, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, lost his balance and fell on the ground, making a noise that sounded like a rodent that had just gotten trapped on. That sent the three boys into another fit of laughter.

When they had all calmed down enough, Remus explained what he had found out. "With the first spell, I should be able to make the ink indelible, and with the second it will get extra sticky."

"I really hope this will work," Sirius said.

"And that we don't get caught" added Peter.

"Of course it will!" James was full of confidence, the little squid would do its work and when Lily would find out what he had done to defend her, she would be so proud of him!

The next night, the four boys were hiding under the Invisibility Cloak. They were getting too tall to all fit under it without anything sticking out but luckily they were crouching in a corner just outside the bathroom. James had wanted to hide inside the bathroom until Remus pointed out that surely Yaxley was going to _undress_ , that pretty much convinced him.

They had successfully managed to slip the squid in one of the bathroom taps and had exited again to wait for their prey to show up. If everything went as planned, it would be flooded into Yaxley's bad when he turned the tap on, where it should start to sprout ink. Hidden in the soap, Yaxley would not notice it until it was too late.

They had been waiting for half an hour, during which Sirius had already mentioned three times that he was hungry and Peter had complained about cramps in his legs. Remus was convinced that their future victim would not show up and had said so to James when this last one lost his patience.

"Will you all shut up!" James hissed, "Sirius, do something about your rumbling stomach or he will hear us from the other side of the castle; and you, stop fidgeting!" he kicked Peter in the leg.

"Ouch!" Peter kicked him right back.

"Shhh! I hear footsteps" whispered Remus, who had caught on the sound before anyone else with his keen hearing.

"I'm glad we've got the werewolf on our side" Sirius joked, and indeed, not much went past Remus' sharp senses.

"Shut up!" hissed James again, and not too soon because just at that moment Yaxley appeared around the corner, he passed their hiding spot without seeing them; the cloak concealing them perfectly; and went into the bathroom.

"Do you hear anything?" asked Peter to Remus, in a high pitched voice, too excited to whisper now that they were about to know if their prank would work.

"Shhh!" it was Sirius this time.

One minute passed...

...and another.

"I can hear the water running, he turned the tap on!" said Remus, who had had his ear against the door. And now the others could hear it too.

"It's working!" said Sirius excitedly.

He had rejoiced too early because not a moment later they could hear a loud shrill scream coming from the bathroom, the door swung open; almost catching Remus' nose; and Yaxley came running out, half-dressed and covered from head to toe in dark extra sticky inky soap. He fired a stunner at something in the bathroom before giving another scream; he sounded like a girl who had just spotted a spider, really; and setting off in the direction of his common room.

The four boys looked at each other, amused that someone could be so scared of a little squid and went to collect the poor creature; they would set it free in the lake the next morning; but when they entered the room they stopped.

The bathroom was a right mess. The taps were still running and water; black soapy water with pink and green bubbles; was starting to flood over. In the bathtub sat the squid itself, but it wasn't little anymore, it had grown the size of a very big dog, and it was still growing!

"Stun it!" shouted Sirius, drawing his wand.

James, who had already taken out his, fired a red Stunner but quickly found out, like Yaxley before him, that stunning didn't work. Remus had the insight to turn off the taps, saving the bathroom from further damage, but it didn't stop the squid from growing. It was now the size of a horse and still spilling its ink at everyone in the room.

Sirius tried to stun it a second time and only when he, James and Peter cast the spell together did they manage to stun the monster (because yes, a giant squid could definitely be called a monster, no matter how small and cute it had been to begin with; that was a lesson they had learned early on from Hagrid). Now that it had been immobilized, it had also stopped sprouting ink.

"We should shrink it back, and get out of here before someone comes to investigate!" James urged. But it turned out that no matter what they tried, the squid remained like it was, big enough to fill a small swimming pool.

Peter was already losing his nerves, "They're going to find us and we will get expelled!"

James didn't think he was completely wrong, and decided, after another try, that it might be best to run to save their necks. After all, they had done all they could, they had even stopped the squid's growth spurt, without them it might have been the size of the room now! That's why, after a very short deliberation and not much protest, they all agreed that retreat was the best option here.

They picked up the cloak from where they had thrown it in their haste to stop the disaster and headed back to their common room, as fast and as silently as possible. They reached the Fat Lady without meeting anyone, which was a miracle in itself because James was sure his pounding heart could be heard in the whole castle, and threw off the Cloak.

"Lion's Den" Sirius panted, before she could ask anything, and went first through the portrait hole.

They entered the common room with huge grins on their faces. There was relief of course; because the prank had not completely gone as planned and they had all been a little scared, even if none of them would admit it; and there was the thrill of the risk of being caught out. Like James would say: "The risk is what's making it fun." But they were back in their common room now, safe and sound, and even if the plan had not gone as smoothly as expected, the squid had still gotten Yaxley. They really couldn't wait for him to make an appearance at breakfast tomorrow.

"Why are the four of you covered in ink?" asked a fifthyear

Their grins vanished.

"Yes", added another, "You're trailing it all over the carpet."

"You smell of soap," said a timid second year

James looked down and saw that he was indeed covered with the black stuff and noticed, to his horror, that he was dripping on the floor, leaving a trail of inky footsteps all the way through the portrait hole and, with no doubt, to the bathroom. He caught Sirius, Peter and Remus eye and he knew that they were thinking the same thing: _there is no getting out of it now._

"Yes", said a stern voice behind them, "That's what I would also like to know!"

All four of them turned around to face the most irate looking Professor McGonagall they had ever seen.

To say they were in big trouble was an understatement.

James and his friends followed Professor McGonagall to Dumbledore's office, leaving soapy footsteps in their tail. They passed Filch who was already trying to mob the floor but to no avail. He sent them a look that promised a lot of pain and James could feel his blood run cold. They would have to watch their steps around the caretaker from now on. He had the feeling that Filch would not hesitate to hang them upside down in the dungeons and let them starve there before chopping their bodies into tiny little pieces and eat it at breakfast, no matter what Dumbledore had to say.

But even Filch was nothing compared to the next hour spent in Dumbledore's office. While the Headmaster remained as calm as ever sitting behind his desk, Professor McGonagall was pacing in front of them. Her lips were thinned in a small line; James knew the smaller, the angrier she was and he was not disappointed; her nostrils were flaring and she looked so much like a dragon that it was frightening. After threatening to expel them several times and taking enough points to make sure to alienate them completely from their housemates the next morning, she finally settled down a bit.

"Could you explain again what exactly happened in the perfect's bathroom this evening?" Dumbledore spoke for the first time.

"Well there was this squid James bought in Hogsmeade" started Sirius.

"And he really wanted to give him more space to swim because his tank was so small" continued Remus

"But it got into the pipes and somehow it started to grow" finished James. They hadn't rehearsed a story and their excuse was a bit lame… James watched his Head of House closely to see if she would buy it, but alas. _Okay very lame,_ he thought.

"And it just happened to catch Mister Yaxley who was about to take his bath?" bristled McGonagall, "It seems unlikely, especially since you two", she pointed to James and Sirius, "had a disagreement with him in the corridors not two days ago, if I've correctly been informed."

James looked at Dumbledore, hoping against hope that he would find the prank funny and go easy on them like he had done on several occasions before. This time however, and even if his demeanour suggested he wasn't really angry at them, he didn't help them out:

"This settles the matter then," he said, "You four will serve your detention with Mr Filch. You are to help him clean the bathrooms."

"The bathrooms, Sir? As like in more than one?" asked Peter.

Dumbledore smiled at them, and then James realized what he meant:

"You can't mean all of them, Sir?" he asked

"That is exactly what I mean, Mr. Potter"

"And without magic" added Professor McGonagall

"Without magic?" exclaimed Sirius, "But that will take ages!"

"You should better get started then. Mr. Filch is waiting for you downstairs, at the _crime scene._ " she answered, and with those final words, they were dismissed.

"She can't be serious!" complained Remus while they were walking down the stairs, and before Sirius could open his mouth to comment on the word pun, Remus kicked him, "Not now, Sirius!" he hissed.

"All the bathrooms!" complained Peter.

"And without magic!" added Remus.

James himself felt slightly guilty for involving his friends in this disaster.

Filch was waiting for them downstairs and the four friends agreed to stay close, their wands at the ready. Better safe than sorry, thought James. With an evil gleam in his eyes, he led them to the prefects bathroom. James noticed for the first time the damage their little prank had caused. The white tales were now ink blue, as was the bath and the walls, but the squid was gone. Some taps lay broken on the floor, others kept spouting water or bubbles, one of them emitted sparks of magic and a whistling sound. James felt a bit sorry for Filch at the sight; he was a squib after all and couldn't have fixed this mess all by himself. The feeling lasted for the five seconds it took Filch to hand each of them a _toothbrush_.

"I thought we were meant to clean, not to prepare to go to bed," said Sirius.

"Not so fast!" Filch grabbed him by the collar. "From now on these are your work tools, I wanted to give you toothpicks but I couldn't find any! Now get to work!" he let go of Sirius collars, who slipped and fell on the ground and took a seat near the door to watch them. Mrs. Norris sat next to him and when Filch eventually dozed off, she kept her yellow eyes on them through the night like a hawk.

At some point, McGonagall passed by. She took pity on them and gave them some proper brushes and a mop. She fixed the taps and scolded Filch for his petty behaviour ("Toothbrushes, really!"). James had thought she came to let them off for the night but his hopes were crushed yet again. They spent hours cleaning, mopping, repairing and polishing. It wasn't until his knees and hands were sore and that he felt like collapsing from exhaustion that they were allowed to stop. They headed back to their common room, dead on their feet, and at quarter to five in the morning they could finally, _finally,_ enjoy their beds.

James' pillow had never felt so nice and his blankets so soft.

The next day was predictably unpleasant. James slept through his alarm clock and they were consequently late for breakfast.

"Shit" he murmured, throwing his covers.

He woke up the others who were groaning and moaning. He had to actually threaten Sirius with the _aguamenti_ charm to get him to wake up. They took their turn in the bathroom, each of them emitting horrifying cries when they noticed their appearance. Their hair and skin were still blue and according to Remus, they all smelt horribly of soap.

They made it downstairs eventually, with only a few minutes left to grab some toast. When they appeared in the Great Hall the whole student body turned to stare. James weaved before being dragged to his seat by a hungry Remus. However, they weren't the only ones to be late that morning. To his great satisfaction James spotted Yaxley trying to make his way to his seat without being spotted. The effect was ruined however because of the silver and green scarf that covered half of his face, up until his nose. He had hidden his long blonde hair under his hat; the hat was technically part of the uniform but no one ever wore it except for feasts, really; and he was also wearing his dragonhide gloves. All with all, it didn't go unnoticed.

James elbowed Sirius who looked up from his scrambled eggs. When he saw James pointing a wicked grin appeared. He whistled loud to attract the attention of the students while James rose to stand on the bench.

"Hey Yaxley!" he cried from across the room turning the spotlight to the perfect who had almost reached his table and started to hope that maybe he would be able to slip by unnoticed. "Had a nice bath yesterday?"

The other students finally noticed that the Slytherin, like the Marauders, was blue skinned and laughter erupted around the tables. Yaxley dove to the Slytherin table, grabbed some toast and exited as quickly as possible.

"Sit down, you prat!" Peter grabbed James' sleeve and pulled him down, "McGonagall is looking!" And indeed, she was making her way to their table. "Time to flee!" Sirius said, taking a last bite of his eggs. The four friends used the cover of the exiting students to avoid their Head of House and hurried to their first lesson, pretending they could not hear her calling.

After such a prank, the school was divided but most students thought it had been funny: the Marauders had been caught in their own trap, the Slytherin prefect was still blue and they had a new mascot in the Great Lake. Indeed the little squid, that wasn't so little anymore, was now swimming in the depths of the lake, sometimes appearing on the surface, happy to finally have all the place it needed to stretch its tentacles. The teachers had never managed to reshrink it to its initial state but that didn't matter, the lake was big enough, and Hagrid was happy to take care of it.

On the other hand, the Slytherins were out for revenge; it didn't matter to them that the four friends were still blue as well and would probably remain so for at least another week; they had been humiliated and this was the last drop! And even if the Gryffindors were still angry with the Marauders for the loss of points they caused, they still stood guard around the four friends to defend them from any retribution. When they were walking the hallways, they always did so in small groups of ten to twelve students. Remus complained about the fact that this new way of traveling the castle made them late for almost every lesson and James had to draw the line when one of his Quidditch teammates followed him into the bathroom.

The first hour of the morning was Herbology and the third years were working with Leaping Toadstools; they had proliferated during autumn and overrun greenhouse two. The student's job was to catch them and to put them in sealed baskets; a part would be used in potions and the rest would be released in the Forbidden Forest. The jumping fungi were not dangerous but they were hard to catch and provided, therefore, a perfect cover for their discussion.

"So what precisely went wrong last night?" James asked Remus when the four of them cornered a group of toadstools in a corner together.

"I'm not sure..." he answered, catching a big purple one that was trying to make an escape with an impressive backflip, "I think the Engorgement Charm must have interacted with the charms we put on the squid"

"What Engorgement Charms?" Sirius asked.

"Those on the taps" at his blank look, Remus specified, "You know, to make the bath fill faster? You did not really think that a bathtub the size of a small swimming pool could fill in less than five minutes without any magic involved?"

"I know that, of course, Engorgement Charms!"

Remus didn't believe him; Sirius was sometimes childishly innocent where magic was concerned. He had noticed before that children who were born and raised with magic from birth had sometimes a hard time to understand what muggles called simple physics and to distinguish between what was possible and not.

"Anyway, the charms must have interacted with each other" he continued off. He wondered if his friends were angry with him, he had been the one that was supposed to do the research; he should have prevented the disaster. Did they blame him for what happened? "Sorry, I did not think of that possibility..."

"We didn't think of it either," James reassured him, "But now we know for next time!"

"You're planning a next time?" Peter asked warily.

"Yes! Don't you think some giant toadstools would fit perfectly well into the forest?" he grinned, wiggling one of them at Peter's face. They laughed.

At dinner that evening a lonely owl made its way down to the Gryffindor table. Sirius looked up and recognised it at once, "There we go again!" he mumbled. His friends, who had looked up at his words, recognized the bird too. His black feathers and large size made it stand out.

It sailed down with grace and landed in front of Sirius. There was some regal look about it, and when the owl stretched out its leg to hand over the blood red letter that as attached to it, he did so almost haughtily; as soon as Sirius had detached the letter it took off again. He guessed some pets really did look like their owner because no bird had ever looked at him with more disdain, spittingly his mother!

The letter in Sirius' hand started smoking... "Better get over with it mate!" James said comfortingly. They all knew what it was, a Howler! He received one every time "dishonoured the family"; it was a pity they always disintegrated at the end or he would have started a collection.

He opened it cautiously and it started screaming at once:

"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ONE OF YOUR FELLOW PUREBLOOD CLASSMATES? THE HEIR OF AN AGE-OLD FAMILY! RESPECTABLE FRIENDS OF YOUR FATHER! SHAME! YOU BRING SHAME TO OUR NAME! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THE NAME BLACK! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE MY SON! YOU ARE USELESS! A FAILURE! A DISGRACE! A BLOODTRAITOR! YOU DRAG OUR GOOD NAME IN THE MUD WITH YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUR FILTHY FRIENDS! BLOODTRAITORS, ALL OF THEM! DON'T YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!

With those last words, the letter caught fire. Sirius used his wand to nonchalantly brush the ashes from the table, "Every time it's the same", he commented "the ashes always fall in the pumpkin juice"

The rest of the Hall, which had fallen silent, started eating again. Soon it looked like nothing had disrupted dinner.

"You're okay?" Remus asked when no one else was paying attention anymore.

"Yeah, sure!"

"Well that settles it then" James smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"You are coming home with me this Christmas!"

And really, no other words could have made Sirius feel better! It didn't matter that his mother was an old hag who didn't think he was worth anything; it didn't matter that they still had all the school bathrooms to scrub or that they would be in detention until the New Year; it didn't matter that his birth family was shunning him and that he would probably be blasted off the tapestry for good this time... It didn't matter because his family was here, at Hogwarts with him and he was going home for Christmas!

James was standing outside of the common room, he had just walked in from two hours detention of scrubbing off toilets when Lily had dragged him back out again. He was tired and dirty and achy, and in really no mood for one of her lectures, but he had followed her nonetheless and now she was talking to him:

"You're an idiot Potter! Why could you not drop the matter? Because of your little stunt we're behind with our house points, _again!"_ she hissed.

"House points? You're worrying about house points?" he couldn't believe she was keeping him from his warm bed to talk about _house points!_

"Yes, I am! We were in second place, almost a tight with Ravenclaw, we had a chance to actually win the cup!"

"We will win the Quidditch Cup, just the same!" he answered and made to pass her to get back to the Common Room, out of the cold, but she stopped him.

"Some things are more important than Quidditch, Potter!"

"And some things are more important than house points!" he replied.

"Like what? Pranks? Duelling? Bullying students?" she was raising her voice, always a bad sign.

"If you're talking about Yaxley..." but she interrupted him;

"Of course I'm talking about Yaxley!"

"He had it coming!"

"Did he, now?"

"Yes! _He_ 's been the bully! He called you a mud-, a you-know-what!" He remembered what Remus had told him a few days ago and added: "And he's been making first years Hufflepuffs cry."

"So you did it to help the poor little Hufflepuffs, did you?" she retorted, she did not look impressed with his excuses, "You're Hogwarts' self-proclaimed vigilante? You want to play Batman?"

"Who?" he asked, confused.

"It doesn't matter! In the future, you need to let the teachers deal with him, that's their job!"

"Please, Lily! You're being naïve if you think that the teachers can do something about that kind of people! Someone needs to step up against those conceited blood purists and Voldemort!"

"The Ministry..." she started, but this time it was him that interrupted her;

"The ministry is already out of its depth with the Death-Eaters!"

"So you want to fight them? What are you gonna do? Put itching powder in You-know-who's bed? You're thirteen, for Merlin's sake!" she yelled.

"Fourteen!" he yelled back.

They had come closer during their argument, standing only inches apart, their noses almost touching. He could count every freckle on her nose and see all the different shades of green in her eyes. Lily really was a beautiful girl, what a pity she was always such a suck-up teacher's pet!

She drew a deep breath; she always did that to calm herself and to reorganize her thoughts; and took a step back, "Look that's not the point. The point is, Yaxley already got detention for what he called me, and Sirius hexed him pretty well! That should have been enough! What you and your friends did only added fuel to the fire, our inter-house relationships have never been so bad, especially with the Slytherins and that's mostly your fault!"

"You're not concerned about inter-house unity, you're just afraid Sniv- Snape won't be your friend anymore!" he replied.

"No, I'm not!" she spluttered indignantly. But James was angry too; she was just standing there, throwing accusations around;

"I don't understand you, Lily! You're always the one to say we should stand up to injustice, to defend Muggle-borns rights, to talk about equality and what not, but when I try to defend..."

She cut him off: "That's the problem Potter! You didn't do it to defend anyone! You just wanted to draw attention to yourself!"

"It doesn't make any difference! Someone had to put those slimy Slytherins back in their place and I did just that!" The moment the words left his mouth he knew he had made a huge mistake. Lily was angrier than ever; she looked terrifying, with red blotches on her cheeks and strands of hair that were falling out of her ponytail. James thought it would be safer to take a few steps back.

"' _Put them back in their place'_ , really Potter? Do you hear yourself when you speak?"

"Look, that's not what I meant..." he tried to back out, but it was too late.

"I can't believe you; you're just as prejudiced as any other pureblood!"

"That's not true! I never called you a mudblood and I don't think muggleborns are inferior!"

"You're not prejudiced against muggleborns, but you are against people that don't think like you!"

There was a moment of silent, her words echoing in the halls.

"Can you really look me in the eye and tell me you're proud of what you did?" she asked.

She didn't understand anything! He had no reason to feel ashamed, Yaxley deserved what he got, so he had no problem whatsoever to look her in the eye (those beautiful green eyes!) and to tell her exactly that!

"That's what I thought!" she said, before turning around and climbing back through the portrait hole.

Only after she had left did he realise that he had broken eye contact, not being able to bear her disappointed stare. How was it that every time he had anything close to a real conversation with Lily, it always ended with him, alone, pondering and questioning all his life choices?

James waited five minutes before he went back to the Common Room. When he entered, it was empty except for a few seventh years. There was no sign of Lily; he thought she must have gone to bed. In the dormitory his friends were already occupying the bathroom, washing off the cleaning products and the grim from their latest detention, and when James squeezed in to brush his teeth they didn't ask him any questions about what he and Lily had talked about. He was grateful for it because she had given him a lot to think about...

Later that night he was lying in his bed, on his back with his hands under his head; one big question kept turning in his mind: who the hell was Batman?

 **R &R**


End file.
